I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
