Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize