nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
