the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
