is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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