are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
