Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
