So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize