singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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