Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
