More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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