it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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