I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
