the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
