i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
