Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
