Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
