we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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