I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
