You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize