I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
