Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
