If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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