i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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