just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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