At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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