Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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