It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
