chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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