He managed to light the Jello on fire...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
