Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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