i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
