dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
