i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
