oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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