Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
