I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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