he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
