in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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