Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize