i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
