I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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