would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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