There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
