I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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