we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
