yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
