So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
