im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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