dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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