I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
