dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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