Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
