youre lurking in front of me
Say something about gay babies.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
