It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
