Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
