After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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