u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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