Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
