batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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