I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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