it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
