I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
