You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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