I wish I could punch you in the face.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
