What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
