great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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