barbara walters just said penis...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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